– Dr. Débora Spradling
Living with anxiety often feels like an endless battle, a constant struggle with a part of ourselves that seems to want to derail all our plans and our joy. In this “battle” the natural response is to try and shut down that anxious part of ourselves , which often leaves us feeling more frustrated, more anxious, and more critical of ourselves. Shifting our perspective of how we see our anxiety may hold the key to finding the relief we are looking for. How do we do this? We can begin to change our narrative around our anxiety, working to reframe it from a relentless enemy we need to defeat, to a protective part of who we are, who we need to understand.
The Role of Your Anxious Protector:
We can work to start viewing our anxious part as not necessarily someone who is there to make your life miserable. Can we be curious together about seeing it as a well-meaning protective piece of you? Could it be that our anxiety is more a vigilant guardian who worries about your safety, health, and well-being, rather than a soldier fighting against you? We can see that this part of you, while often misunderstood as troublesome, may be simply trying to shield you from potential harm. The issue here may be that this part that so desperately wants to keep us safe, may be going about it in the wrong way!
Embracing Your Anxious Protector:
To start understanding and embracing our anxiety as a protector, consider these steps:
1. Work to understand its Positive Intention:
Give yourself permission to be curious about how your anxiety may be trying to keep you safe. Does it potentially want to prevent harm and ensure your well-being? Recognizing this positive intention can reduce feelings of frustration and fear. When we see how this part wants to care for us, we can set aside our inner-critic that may be frustrated with our anxiety, and start to be honest with ourselves about what we are really needing. Even if they might be coming at it the wrong way, the intentions of this anxious part are often good and valid.
2. Communicate and Build a Relationship:
Take time to know your anxious self from a place of self-compassion. Mindfully engage with your anxious part, whether that’s through self-reflection, journaling, or therapy. Ask questions like, “What are you trying to protect me from?” or “How do you think you’re helping?” Building a compassionate dialogue can foster understanding and help us when we are feeling like we are anxious “without a reason” or “out of the blue.”
3. Express Gratitude:
Even though anxiety can feel so overwhelming, a powerful step is to express gratitude for your protector’s care and vigilance. This anxious protector has walked through many seasons of life with you, and worked hard to keep you safe, even if it did not always have the best results. Your anxiety has probably been working very hard for a very long time in this effort to keep you safe. Take a minute to sit with it and acknowledge this. Even if it hasn’t always done it very well, this part of you has tried hard to take care of you. See how this part of you feels when we can validate its efforts.
Treat yourself with kindness and self-compassion, recognizing that this part is doing its best to support you. And then invite this part of you to trust that you can keep yourself safe without their fear.
As you develop a compassionate relationship with your anxious protector, you may find it starts to relax its grip. When it feels understood and appreciated, it may no longer need to be so intense in its protective measures.
4. Re-teach yourself what it means to be safe
Even though we can see our anxiety as a protector that we are thankful for, we can recognize that we do not want to live with this anxiety in our minds and our bodies. As you work to change your relationship with anxiety, you can also step in as the voice of reason to help this protective part of you understand that you are resilient and capable of caring for yourself and your life. Invite this part of you to set down their traditional methods of ensuring safety, as they trust you to make sure you are cared for, without holding the constant worry. Help your anxious part turn to true sources of peace and hope to find their stability and safety.
Our anxiety is not an enemy to be vanquished, but rather a well-meaning protector in need of understanding and compassion. Embracing your anxious protector can lead to profound healing and personal growth. By acknowledging its positive intention and working towards integration, you can transform your relationship with anxiety and begin to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
